Update, Update!

Harlo! =D

I know I haven't been blogging in forever. I hate how inconsistent I am now. Haha. What happened to the blogging streak I had two months back? I don't know. Lol.

Anyway, tomorrow's a holiday! It's funny how now every single holiday I get is oh so precious to me. Maybe 'cause they're few and close between. Haha. So I have to go on without holidays for a long time before I get a whole lot of holidays here and there.

So, what has been going on with me, you ask? (I'm just assuming you wanna know. Haha.) I celebrated CNY, yeah, duh. Haha. This year's CNY was pretty fun. Of course a huge difference was Michael not being around, 'cause I remember spending last year's with him, but just gotta deal with it. Hehe. Apart from that, my ang pau collection is as usual, not reaching sky high amounts. Lol. I went back to Mum's hometown in Terengganu for a night. Then I came back and attended open houses and dinners throughout the entire week. I've been having SO MUCH Chinese food! Haha.

Oh, and I have an announcement to make. Ahem ahem. For those of you who have been nagging and pestering me to start driving lessons (I know it's 'cause y'all want me to drive y'all around, haha, but that's OK, I don't mind =D), I have started driving lessons! *Insert loud applause and ear-deafening cheers* (This is where y'all actually applaud and cheer in front of your monitors as you read this, please and thank you =]). I daresay I am pretty good behind the steering wheel. Haha. I guess all that time spent driving stolen cars on Grand Theft Auto have paid off. Lol. My enemy is first gear, but y'know what they say, keep your enemies closer. I know this doesn't really apply here, but whatev lah. Haha. Slowly and surely I am conquering first gear. Hehe. I've only had two driving lessons but I've driven to Northport, Westport and Setia Alam on the Kesas and Federal highways. No kidding. Hehe.

What else, what else? Let's see. College is fine. I really like my lecturers, especially my law lecturer. She's really nice and makes me like law. Hehe. I also love literature. And I'm starting to like sociology and economics. At first, I was struggling a bit (still am, though less so now), but if there's one thing that I've learned in the past two months, it's that you gotta give it time. For whatever it is, you've got to give it some time. And things will get better. Don't stop believin'! Hahaha.

Oh yes, I'm dying. Hahaha. Not literally lah. But I've actually been bordering on sick since Christmas last year ( I know, so long ago!). It's becoming worse lately. My cough and flu is terrible. I remember someone predicting I'm gonna be like this for the next three months if I don't do something =O I really wish I wasn't always so unhealthy. I'm always sick. It's like people are usually healthy, but I'm usually not. Sigh. Then again, it's really my fault. I've been drinking nothing and eating all the wrong things. I have a couldn't-care-less attitude when it comes to taking care of myself.

I think that's about it. I'll try my best to write AFAP (as frequently as possible XD). If and when something hits me and I just have to share it with the blogosphere, I promise I will. Hehe. Until then, buhbye!

And then six became three...

Hello, freedom.
Hello, acceptance.
:)

Time together is just never quite enough
When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home
When we're apart, whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me, darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time

- "The Saltwater Room" by Owl City

Alive Not Alone

I was reminded today of how easy it is to get caught up in my own troubles. At the end of today, I was feeling rather drained out. I knew I wasn't particularly tired, because technically, I only had about 75 minutes of classes today. But for some reason, I felt weary and moodless. And after making myself finish up at least one assignment, I kind of dragged myself out of that feeling. In all the breaks that I took in between completing my assignment, I did some soul-searching. A little stop and stare, if you like.

Soul-searching is a good thing. It's tiring and it takes effort. It's difficult and it makes you think - hard. But in the end, it's refreshing and it's invigorating. It helps you see things clearer and it's worth the work. Lately, I haven't been blogging much because I've been busy. That and I can't seem to think of what it is I want to say. But now there's something on my mind. After letting myself into my head and into my heart, I think I've got something to write about.

Whenever life throws something at us, we tend to go on the defense right away. In my case, I hide behind my shield and refuse to see or fight whatever it is on the other side of the shield. I choose to look at things in a worldly, negative way. It brings me down. My strength gets sapped away and I start to feel alone, as if I'm the only one in the whole world who feels this way. I wanna just curl up in bed and fall asleep, hoping and wishing that when I wake up, everything will just go away. But it's never that easy, innit? So I stay awake. I keep my eyes open and instead of looking at things around me, I start to realize what's actually wrong. It's me that's seeing things the wrong way.

Of course, I don't get to this point of thinking just like that. In an attempt to find someone to listen to me, I find myself listening to others. Isn't it strangely funny when you hear someone's problems, and your problems just fade instantly? It sets the crooked picture straight. Suddenly you see all your troubles the way they actually are: small. Buthen again, not all troubles are small. When they're your own, every trouble is big. But we can't use that excuse to say that what we're facing is something huge, 'cause we ourselves know whether or not it really is as big a deal as we make it out to be.

I find that I feel a whole lot better when I look inside me and then look outside. I set things in perspective in myself first, then I see life for what it really is. Then only can I look outside and evaluate what really matters. 'Cause people are hurting. They're in pain. They're troubled and confused and despaired. They smile and they put on a brave front, but that is their shield. It comes in many forms and it has varying looks, but it serves the same function. It defends them, but from what?

We all experience similar things. We all understand each other in ways we don't know. We all feel scared and alone at one point or another. We all want peace and happiness for always. We all want what we all want. 'Cause inside we all feel the same. And I don't know if we know that. The only way to get over that is to realize that we're all capable of helping each other, 'cause we all know how life makes us feel. In spite of all our strife and struggle to make it through on our own, we know that we can't do it alone. We weren't wired that way.

It's true to a certain extent that we enter the world alone and we leave it alone. But everything that happens in between, we owe it to ourselves to find a little company. We need help. We need support. Otherwise we’re in it by our self. Strangers, cut off from each other and we forget just how connected we all are. So instead we choose love. We choose life and for a moment we feel just a little bit less alone.