Hey hey. So, guess how I got to school today? Yes, a car. But whose? O_o. Ah. That is the question. Hahaha. My dear Amelia Lee Xue Theng drove me to school today! Hahaha. That girl got her license adi. So fun. Her driving not bad lah. But who am I to say, right? I haven't even sat for my undang test yet. Lol. I got to school safe and sound lah (I guess I didn't need five seatbelts, after all XD), although we were late. She didn't pick me late actually; she just drove slowly. Hehe.

I had Chemistry 3 and Physics 3 today. I actually felt really unprepared. Cause although I studied for both already - twice, somemore - there didn't seem to be anything in my head. But thank God it turned out good. I am quite satisfied with today. Buthen again, I can't trust my feelings. Good usually turns out bad. Hahaha. And I did Chemistry 3 really slowly. I was taking my own sweet time. But I started off slow also cause I couldn't think. The radio in my head kept playing David Choi's "Won't Even Start". Hehe.

Now I just finished reading Maths. Gonna do a model paper and then maybe start Add Maths a bit. My nose is killing me lah. *Sneeze* Terrible flu problem, I have. I still have Biology 3, Maths, Add Maths and BK before my trials are officially over. My hands are itching to touch the PSP again T_T

Y'knw, I just realized something. If I study in the mornings at 4 like I usually do, I am not actually fully awake. Haha. When I'm in school, I think about my studying that morning, and I don't think I was fully awake. I was half-studying. Lol. But it works lah.

OK. I shall go do what I said I would do. Hehe. Tata.

If I ever see you on the street

I'll pretend that I didn't see

And turn my face

No use in small talk anyways

Cause if I look into your eyes

Then I'll have to say goodbye

And that'll break my heart

So I won't even start, no, I won't even start

Four of us
Mum and Dad

Che and Ko

Yesterday night, I went out with my family to Ampang for a dinner to celebrate Ko and Che's b'days (both in the month of September). So we went to Litle Korea and ate at this place called Kang San Ea. In spite of what y'all might think, I didn't take any pictures of the food. Hahaha. But I ate a lot. The food just kept on coming wei. And the BBQ meat is really good. But it's still Japanese all the way for me lah! XD

Then we went to one of the stores selling all Korean stuff. I think I wanted to buy a lot of it. But because I didn't understand the labels, it kinda put me off. Cause I'm the kind of person who would buy something because it sounds really canggih. Hehe. So I only bought plum sweets cause that was written in English and I bought this pack of chips which I reckon are sweet potato drizzled with honey. But I can't be sure cause I haven't opened it yet. And at the counter, the lady started speaking to us in Korean and only my sister understood. The lady was asking whether we were Korean and my sister said no. Haha. Y'knw, I didn't know there were so many Koreans in Malaysia.

Oh yeah, I drank shochu. It's basically rice wine, a spirit lah. And I had some beer. So at the end of the night, I was kinda tipsy. No kidding. Haha. I coudn't walk properly, man. I almost hit the whatever barrier thing that leads to the toilet. This is the 2nd time I've gotten drunk since I was 12 (drunk on red wine mee suah XD). The shochu was super strong wei. I wonder how anyone actually downs so many bottles of stuff like that.

Overall, I had a fun night lah. Just with the entire family. =)

Tipsy... Haha...

I'm Growing Up! ='(

OK. I know I just posted something like, 10 minutes ago. But I just wanted to talk about what I'm gonna talk about.

Yes, that is me above. Haha. I was a fat kid. Quite ugly lah. Lol. No fashion sense also. But that kid looks nothing like me now. Right? Or am I wrong? Can you see me in that picture? Haha.

So anyway, I was having a conversation with Mum about what I wanna do after Form 5. Cause she keeps asking me what I wanna do, and I keep saying that I dunno yet. Haha. It's strange how when I was younger I always had an ambition. I knew what I wanted to be. Every year my ambition changed, but at least I had an ambition. Now I don't even have one. Lol. So we were just talking about what I could do and where I could be in future, cause I definitely don't wanna stay here in Mah-lai-siah.

Then I was thinking about how Jo's gonna go off to aviation academy in two years, God willing. And how my brother's working here and my sister's working in Singapore. I realized that me and Jo were growing up and reaching that stage of life where you leave your family. And it made me sad because I didn't realize that the family I have now, well, it's always gonna be my family but I'll have my own immediate family. It's like this immediate family will be replaced by my immediate family. Get it? This period of time that I have, it'll be ending in a few years. And it'll be kinda sad when me and my siblings all are based in different countries. I'm really thankful that I'm close to my siblings. Cause if I wasn't, then in the future, we'd be estranged or something.

But I'm really sure that we'll always be a close family. It's just that the realization that I'm growing up and turning into a young adult; it sounds so lonely, as if you're all on your own once you're an adult.

I guess as a teenager I always think I'll never grow old. I only imagine as far as 10 years ahead. But I never actually stop and think about me being 40 or 60. That age where you're plagued with health problems and all that. I'll miss being young. And even if I realize it, there's really no way you can actually treasure it. I've tried to cherish my time, and then in future, when I look back, I remember that I said to myself that I treasured it, but I don't feel anything. Haha. Yoh. I dunno if I'm making sense. Lol. OK lah, that's all. Hehe.

I woke up an hour ago feeling very angry. I had a bad dream. It wasn't a nightmare or anything. I just didn't like what happened in the dream. Sigh. It sucks to wake up feeling upset already. There was a certain person in the dream who made me very unhappy. Now I'm feeling better lah. Hahaha.

I have no school today. *Grins*

It's nice to suddenly wake up at 5 in the morning and go... "What day is it today? Is there school? No." And head back to bed. Then to wake up at 6 again and go... "Ah. Must wake up in a bit. Got school... Ey, wait. I don't have to go to school today. Oh yay." And drop dead again. Hahaha.

And I am proud to say that I woke up at 8.30 this morning. Hehe. Yes, yes. Just cause I skip school doesn't mean I should sleep in. Haha. So I got up, did devotion, read the papers and had breakfast. Now I'm here. And I should be going off soon - to study BK for the exam later. Even though I have no school, I still have trials. Haha. And of course, I have a break at 11 XD

Tata...

Biology sucks.

It is a sucky subject.

I like reading it but I don't like memorizing it.

It's interesting and all, no doubt about it. But it is SO much!

I shouldn't be here. Haha.

I'm off to continue reading Biology. =]

Yesterday I was thinking about friendships and relationships.

I'm a person who needs friends, although I try as much as I can to not give myself away. So I was just looking back the past few years and all the people I've met. I realize that I've been really close to some and I had some really important friendships. But over time, I just lost them. And I believe it was my fault. When I had it, I never actually let myself get in it, because I always put a little distance between myself and the other person. I never realize what I have until I lose it. And when I at last realize it, and I try to make an effort to salvage it, I'm already too late. I'm a few months overdue.

Then there are friendships and relationships that could have been. Oh man, when I look back, there were so many... I missed my chances. Never dared to take the leap. So the moment passed, and I could only watch it go. And I don't know if this is true about me, but I don't think I ever actually get over anything. But I sure do a good job making it look like I'm over it.

I talk about my regrets about my friendships and my relationships, buthen I haven't yet mentioned the ones that I have now. They're important to me, very. But I always have a keen sense that it's all temporary. I dunno how right I am, but whether or not it's true, it doesn't change how I feel. Maybe we're all made to be alone. But I think I'm really wrong about that.

I think that friends come and go. Some come and break your heart. Buthen others come around and patch it up. Then they break it too. And others come around and patch it up again. Sometimes, there are those who stay and never go. I wonder if I'll have those. But I think that's up to me - whether I let them. Cause I dunno why but I've never let anyone hang around. Maybe it'll change now. Things could be different.

"I've been roaming around

I was looking down and all I see

Painted faces fill the places that I can't reach

You know that I could use somebody

You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you... "