It's been about a month since I last updated my blog. Really sorry about that. I've been pretty busy. Hehe. So anyway, as demanded by you, Jessica Loo, I will now write my mandatory "I turned 18" post.
So last Tuesday, I celebrated my eighteenth b'day. I was actually in the middle of my semester one exams, to be more specific, Economics and Sociology papers. It was the first time in eleven years that my b'day was not a holiday. I guess college is sucky like that. Haha.
Anyway, how do I feel about turning 18? Oh man. I really don't know. It means I'm a legal adult and all that, right? So I can buy cigarettes, go clubbing and drink alcohol. Haha. But I don't do any of those so it really is not of much use. Lol.
But apart from that, I guess I should be all emo and self-reflective and tell you what I think. So here goes. I feel really old. Haha. It's like, how did I get from 8 to 18? As I get older, time passes faster. And that makes me sad, 'cause I hate growing up. I know that when I'm a lot older and out of university and all that, I'm gonna miss being young. And I hate the fact that I can't do anything about it. I could try to remember how I feel right now, but it doesn't work that way. Most of the time I end up forgetting how I felt, only remembering that I tried to remember.
When you get older, you lose a lot of things that comes with youth. That includes friends and well, innocence. Hahaha. That is a word that I hear so very often in English Literature class. Anyway, what I mean is, we all know that as schoolkids, we are generally innocent - or at least that's what I've thought to be true, although now I suppose that is rather naive thinking. Lol. But yeah, so we lose some parts of ourselves when we grow up. Like we're less childish and we're more mature and all that. So I think that's sad. How we may be so different from how we used to be as kids. When we were kids, things were so much simpler and we were so much better off. The world was kind and people were good. Life could throw anything our way, but it could never take the sparkle out of our eyes.
Then when we get a little older, we're called teenagers. Being a teenager includes all that puberty stuff and raging hormones coupled with mood swings and soul-searching. Slowly but surely that sparkle in our eyes start to dim and if you look in the mirror the next time, you'll find it's harder to see. You start to realize how the world actually works. It's not kind and people sure aren't all good. The world is ugly and people can do terrible things. But even so, you're at that age where you see bad things but you're not entirely stained by them. You're still a kid, and that sparkle isn't completely gone. A little part of you believes that the world is still kind and there's goodness in people. Then you have your own hopes and dreams; your ideas about what your life will be in ten years' time. As a teenager, you've got nothing to lose.
And I've been a kid and I've been a teenager; I still am a teenager. But I guess I'm kind of right at the edge. In a few years' time, I'll have to cross the border and say goodbye to youth - forever. That scares me, 'cause I know that once I become an adult, there's no going back. You can try to relive your youth, but that's all you can do - try. So I'm not all that psyched about turning 18. But I get that it's part of life. You grow older and you move on. You lose that sparkle and life is less simple. And right now, it feels like that's not OK, but I guess I don't have a say in whether or not it's OK. I learn to live according to life's time. It won't wait for me. But it will give me opportunities to regain that sparkle and see the simple life. As for now, I'm not an adult yet. So as far as I'm concerned, I've still got that sparkle and life is still simple as long as I don't go and complicate it. =)
Forever young, I wanna be forever young
Do you really wanna live forever, forever and ever?
Forever young, I wanna be forever young
I don't wanna live forever, forever and ever
