For the first time ever...
I am not excited about going back to school.

At first, I wasn't sure why.
But now it's becoming clearer.

The end of the school holidays signals the beginning
of the last semester of schooling life for me - ever.
(And those of you who know me well know that
I absolutely love school XD)

There are two ways to look at these school holidays.
Firstly, thinking that these school holidays is the last chance to relax.
Secondly, thinking that you've wasted your chance to study.
For me, it's the second one.

Now that the school holidays have come to an end,
it is a sign, more than anything, that time didn't stop, it didn't slow down.
Time is still doing what it does best.
And that is deceiving you and stealing you of the moments when you're not
fully aware of how much time has passed you by.
Then it's back to reality, and you realize that two weeks is gone - just like that.

I'm running after time but I'll never catch up.

The scene is a classroom. It's only been the first few days of school. The teacher comes in and says, "Class, let's get to know each other. Stand up and tell me your ambition one by one." I sit at my desk and I listen as one by one, my classmates stand up and tell of their aspirations. And I can't help but notice that so many of them want to be doctors. Why? What is it about doctors that makes kids say, "I wanna be a doctor when I grow up"?

For the record, I was never one of those kids who said that they wanted to be doctors when they grow up. I always had the weirdest ambitions - but that's a whole other thing. So, back to doctors. It's a "WOW" job, isn't it? You get to wear a smart-looking coat that could rival Batman's cape. You strut the hospital halls as if you owned them. You step into the operating room and everything only begins once you say, "Scalpel." And who could forget, you have an uber cool blinking thingy you wear at your waist (I know it's called a pager, haha) that tells you when you're needed. But most of all, you get to save lives... everyday.

D'you wonder why I never wanted to be a doctor? Sure, my mum offered to buy me chickens so I could practice suturing them. And Grey's Anatomy really turned doctors into rock stars. But here's some reasons why I can't be a doctor:

1) I can't look at open bodies on operating tables or even wrecked bodies that just come through the emergency entrance (although I wouldn't go as far as to throw up)

2) I don't have the physical strength to stay awake for 48 hours (or more) straight

3) The hospital's way too big and I couldn't make my way from one end to the other without getting muscle pain and losing my breath (lol)

4) I might become one of the hospital's most loyal patients (very possible)

5) I shouldn't stay around hospitals which constantly reminds one of death because I'm already in deep contemplation of all these kinds of morbid issues (I am a morbid person)

But as I'm only 17, let's not narrow down my future options. Maybe I will be Dr. Hoi. Hahaha. I can already see most of you praying that does not happen. XD

Just a post to entertain you with my thoughts. =]

Signing out...

Today I turn seventeen.

Today I become a year older.

Today I inch closer to becoming an adult.

The past sixteen years don't really feel like a long time. Maybe that's because I don't really remember many of my birthdays. I was never one to throw a big bash everytime June 8th came around. I just hoped that something special would happen. Haha.

Each time I get a year older, I hope I become a better person than I was on this very day a year ago. I don't want to think about the person I was last year and realize that I am the very same person today. I want to always be changing - for the better. I want to be growing, not just by number, but as a person. I want to say to myself, "You're making progress. Keep looking ahead. It's all going fine." And I can say that to myself. Cause I guess I really am a different person from the person I was last year. I'm happy with who I am right now.

But each time I get a year older, I also become more aware of how afraid I am of the future. I am so fearful and so scared of how things are gonna be. For most of my life, I've been in a really comfortable zone. I don't even know how it feels to be out of it. And when I let these thoughts fill my head and I find it hard to breathe, it takes some time but I always, always remember to look up. And I can hear God say: "My plan for your future is filled with hope. For I love you with an everlasting love. And I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. And I will show you great and marvelous things. Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart." And on this day, I can hear Him whisper, "Happy Birthday." =)

This year, I celebrated my birthday. At the end of the day, I thought to myself, "What would be my perfect birthday?" Then I thought about all the people whom I love, and how my perfect day would be celebrating my birthday with all of them. But there were different people and I had to celebrate with them at different times. Cause they were different parts of my life. And I realized that I was just being greedy. Because I only had 24 hours, and it wasn't enough. Then I thought about it again. If I really had to decide, who would be the ones that I wanted to spend the day with? And I came to the conclusion that today... today... was my perfect birthday.

Happy 17th to me! XD