Just Enough Light

This morning was the first church service of the year 2010. I had only gone to sleep at about half past one the night before. So as I sat in between Jo and Jerry, I was practically dozing off. As I tried to keep my mind awake and alert, one of the uncles stood up and shared. He said that as this new year begins, we don't know whether it's going to be a better year or a worse one. We don't know if our health will improve or if we will suddenly be hit by a sickness. We don't know if we'll get to pursue the course of our choice. We don't know if our studies will bring about good results. We don't know what we don't know, and what we don't know is everything, so basically we don't know anything.

It's only been three days that we've crossed over to a new year. Tomorrow, school reopens. But not for me. I won't be going back to school this year, or any of the years after this. And it feels unusual. I'm not used to it yet. I'm out of school. And I'm getting into college soon enough. It's an all-new environment with new people and new challenges.

As I think about what I heard this morning, I am reminded once again of the fact that I am leaving all the comfort and certainty I have experienced and enjoyed for the past 11 years of my life. I'm stepping out into the unknown, into the darkness. And do you wanna know how I feel? Can I tell you a secret? I'm scared. I am dead scared. But there's just something about fear and the unknown. I'm drawn to it. I love to experiment and experience. I wanna let the fear overwhelm me and then learn to overcome it. I wanna throw myself headfirst into the unknown and make it known.

But what I'm most excited about is what treasures I will find in the darkness. Sometimes I lose my way. As I worry myself about seeing and understanding all that the future holds, I forget that there is one thing that I know about my future. It is that You are in it. Everything else I don't know. Everything else I don't understand. But one thing I know: You are in that darkness and You are in that unknown. With You there, I have nothing to fear or worry about or fret over.

When I'm grappling in the darkness, I search for a light. There are different kinds of light that I encounter. Light that comes from friends, light that comes from family, light that comes from achievements and success, light that comes from material things. But these lights are unreliable. They go out. Only one light is totally reliable and can never be put out: the light that comes from God. The light that is God. Being a child of God, I have a light in me. It is one that shines for all eternity and is never extinguished. The darker the place I am in, the brighter that light in me shines.

It doesn't matter what age you are or what you're going through or have been through. A new year is always frightening. It is filled with surprises and the unexpected. You don't know what you're going to face. You hope for the best and oftentimes, you're unprepared for the worst. I am learning to trust in God. I have many questions. But I don't have any answers. And I think I can live without them. I don't need light to see the rest of 2010. I only need light to see what is right before me.

"For You will light my lamp; the Lord my GOD will enlighten my darkness." Psalm 18:28