For the first time ever...
I am not excited about going back to school.

At first, I wasn't sure why.
But now it's becoming clearer.

The end of the school holidays signals the beginning
of the last semester of schooling life for me - ever.
(And those of you who know me well know that
I absolutely love school XD)

There are two ways to look at these school holidays.
Firstly, thinking that these school holidays is the last chance to relax.
Secondly, thinking that you've wasted your chance to study.
For me, it's the second one.

Now that the school holidays have come to an end,
it is a sign, more than anything, that time didn't stop, it didn't slow down.
Time is still doing what it does best.
And that is deceiving you and stealing you of the moments when you're not
fully aware of how much time has passed you by.
Then it's back to reality, and you realize that two weeks is gone - just like that.

I'm running after time but I'll never catch up.

The scene is a classroom. It's only been the first few days of school. The teacher comes in and says, "Class, let's get to know each other. Stand up and tell me your ambition one by one." I sit at my desk and I listen as one by one, my classmates stand up and tell of their aspirations. And I can't help but notice that so many of them want to be doctors. Why? What is it about doctors that makes kids say, "I wanna be a doctor when I grow up"?

For the record, I was never one of those kids who said that they wanted to be doctors when they grow up. I always had the weirdest ambitions - but that's a whole other thing. So, back to doctors. It's a "WOW" job, isn't it? You get to wear a smart-looking coat that could rival Batman's cape. You strut the hospital halls as if you owned them. You step into the operating room and everything only begins once you say, "Scalpel." And who could forget, you have an uber cool blinking thingy you wear at your waist (I know it's called a pager, haha) that tells you when you're needed. But most of all, you get to save lives... everyday.

D'you wonder why I never wanted to be a doctor? Sure, my mum offered to buy me chickens so I could practice suturing them. And Grey's Anatomy really turned doctors into rock stars. But here's some reasons why I can't be a doctor:

1) I can't look at open bodies on operating tables or even wrecked bodies that just come through the emergency entrance (although I wouldn't go as far as to throw up)

2) I don't have the physical strength to stay awake for 48 hours (or more) straight

3) The hospital's way too big and I couldn't make my way from one end to the other without getting muscle pain and losing my breath (lol)

4) I might become one of the hospital's most loyal patients (very possible)

5) I shouldn't stay around hospitals which constantly reminds one of death because I'm already in deep contemplation of all these kinds of morbid issues (I am a morbid person)

But as I'm only 17, let's not narrow down my future options. Maybe I will be Dr. Hoi. Hahaha. I can already see most of you praying that does not happen. XD

Just a post to entertain you with my thoughts. =]

Signing out...

Today I turn seventeen.

Today I become a year older.

Today I inch closer to becoming an adult.

The past sixteen years don't really feel like a long time. Maybe that's because I don't really remember many of my birthdays. I was never one to throw a big bash everytime June 8th came around. I just hoped that something special would happen. Haha.

Each time I get a year older, I hope I become a better person than I was on this very day a year ago. I don't want to think about the person I was last year and realize that I am the very same person today. I want to always be changing - for the better. I want to be growing, not just by number, but as a person. I want to say to myself, "You're making progress. Keep looking ahead. It's all going fine." And I can say that to myself. Cause I guess I really am a different person from the person I was last year. I'm happy with who I am right now.

But each time I get a year older, I also become more aware of how afraid I am of the future. I am so fearful and so scared of how things are gonna be. For most of my life, I've been in a really comfortable zone. I don't even know how it feels to be out of it. And when I let these thoughts fill my head and I find it hard to breathe, it takes some time but I always, always remember to look up. And I can hear God say: "My plan for your future is filled with hope. For I love you with an everlasting love. And I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. And I will show you great and marvelous things. Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart." And on this day, I can hear Him whisper, "Happy Birthday." =)

This year, I celebrated my birthday. At the end of the day, I thought to myself, "What would be my perfect birthday?" Then I thought about all the people whom I love, and how my perfect day would be celebrating my birthday with all of them. But there were different people and I had to celebrate with them at different times. Cause they were different parts of my life. And I realized that I was just being greedy. Because I only had 24 hours, and it wasn't enough. Then I thought about it again. If I really had to decide, who would be the ones that I wanted to spend the day with? And I came to the conclusion that today... today... was my perfect birthday.

Happy 17th to me! XD

"Sometimes the beauty is in the attempt.
We gave it everything we could,
but it just didn't work out."

Everytime I hear his voice, I fall in love with him all over again.

(Sigh. Two days after the AI finale and I'm still mourning his loss T_T)

I feel numb.

I feel empty.

I feel tired.

I feel burnt out.

I feel pain.

I feel scared.

I feel worried.

I feel confused.

I feel lost.

I feel sad.

I feel alone.

I don't want to have to try to make it show.

I don't want to have to pretend.

I don't want to break down inside anymore.

I don't want to drown in despair.

I don't want to face this on my own.

I want to fall and know that someone will catch me.

I want to scream and know that someone will hear me.

I want to try and know that if I fail, someone will pick me up and keep me going.

I want to run and know that I won't be running alone.

I want to stop and know that I won't be left behind.

I want it all to slow down because time is slipping through my fingertips.

I want to find out what's wrong with me so I can fix it.

I want to be able to not lie when I say "I'm OK".

I want to close my eyes, take a deep breath and wish all the pain away.

I want to smile and mean it.

I want to be happy again.

I need You so much closer.

STURRESSSSSS!

I was reminded today that it is only a week and a half to the mid-year exams.

Ah! XO

Oh. My. Goodness.

Y'knw, I've always been feeling the SPM stress since the beginning of the year. But now everytime I think of the exams (not just SPM), I get this horrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and I start sweating (my palms, which are memang sweaty become extra sweaty. Yeah lah, I know it's gross. Haha.) I so have to do well for the mid-year exams. I need to get stable grades, in other words, all As. But I've never been one to get straight As in normal school exams. Sigh sigh sigh.

Anyway, today there was the annual career exhibition in school. So I went around the booths but I was only interested in Sunway and HICT. Asked them about the courses I was interested in, and I got the same answer I've been getting the past three years: you can't do it in a local college, take STPM. Bleh. Like lah I would ever allow myself to go Form 6. Thinking of college and furthering one's studies and all that really gets me so stressed up. Why can't I just be a rock star? Y'knw, write a hit, form a band, get famous, disband the band and go solo. Haha. JUST KIDDING! I've been wondering a lot whether Chris Martin has a degree in anything. Lol.

I should be studying! Aiyoh. I just type and type about how stressed I feel, and there's nothing I can do to take the stress away. I feel like shouting from the rooftops. "Take me away!"

I hope that a film director will come along to Lorong Sembilang 3 and say that he wants to make a movie about the lives of teenagers in Taman Teluk Pulai, specifically about a teenager (me lah, of course XD) who wins Siapa Nak Jadi Jutawan? It'll be called Teluk Pulai Millionaire. Then I'll be famous and I needn't work. And people will write about how fortunate I was to be picked from among the many teenagers living in Taman Teluk Pulai. Hahaha.

This is how I am when I'm stressed. I really am schizophrenic lah. Pei, go be a psychologist and then treat me =)

Some things just don't go away =|

They're like wounds that you slap plasters on and you tear off the plasters every once in awhile just cause you think that the wound's healed, but it's still there, and worse now cause you took the plaster off.

The more you keep checking on your wound, the higher the chance of it always being there and not healing completely.

Do plasters even work? =[

I've spent the past week studying the Gospel of Luke for a church Bible quiz that I did not agree to participate in. But Mervy, who says that because we have a "connection", he put me in the team without even asking for my consent. Why am I not surprised? Haha. So anyway, I found out two weeks before the quiz, but I didn't study, until it was down to one week left. Then I started studying furiously lah. Spent all my free time in school poring through my BK textbook. I finished reading that in four days. Then I spent two days reading the NIV cause the BK one was in the Good News Version.

On the day of the quiz (yesterday), I met up with Mervy and Alexander to study beforehand. We started asking each other questions, giving reminders to one another (quote Mervy: "If there's any questions about mountains, it's Mount of Olives, OK? Everything, Mount of Olives." Hahaha.) and acting out scenes. I didn't remember much about where anything happened. All I had in my head was who was who and what happened. Lol.

So I was quite nervous but my objective was to have fun (and Mervy's was to not embarrass himself, lol). When we saw the three groups of adults that we were up against, aiyoh yoh, so intimidating. Haha. And we were the first group to start. The first round was individual questions where each of us had to answer 3 questions. We answered each of our questions correctly. Moving onto the second round, we finished that in a really short time while the other groups were flipping through their Bibles. Haha. Then the third round was asking the audience, which were separated into their respective groups. Youth got full points for that too. The final round was a TRUE or FALSE thingy. Me and Alex answered our questions (3 each) correctly but Mervy got two wrong. Hehe. It was OK lah. We were just glad that it was over.

In the end, when they totalled up the marks, we won. Hahaha. So funny lah. We totally didn't expect to win. We just wanted to get it over with. Lol. But I reached my objective: I had fun =D I shouldn't be so nervous about Bible quizzes. I should just enjoy it. Just like the angel said: "Do not be afraid!" XD

Signing off...

Music is what feelings sound like.

I can try to express what I feel. I can try to say what I want.

But I will always find it hard. And you might not always listen.

When it's the right time, everything will fall into place. The words, the feelings, the music. And I can express what I feel. And I can say what I want. Then I won't find it hard. And maybe, just maybe, you will listen.

DAVID ARCHULETA!

It all began on one weekday morning. It was just like any other weekday morning. But it was on that morning that I learnt that David Archuleta would be coming to Malaysia. And I was so excited! Haha. I decided then and there that I would be going to his concert - no matter what. Sometime after that day, I found out that it was just a showcase and you couldn't buy tickets, you had to win 'em. After I knew about that, I was thinking that I can't watch adi lah. Then, one day, I got a text from DiGi that went something like this: "Win 2 passes to watch David Archuleta Live in Malaysia. Just be the first 750 to download his promotional bundle at RM10." I was studying at that time, and once I read the text, I got so excited that I jumped up and down. Haha. Then I dialed *126# and what do ya know, I had insufficient credit. Sigh. I was really restless and jumpy cause I didn't know how to tell my mum I needed her to reload for me. I told Jo and Mum was like, "What's wrong with you?" cause I was still restless and jumpy. Then Jo told her and she was like, "Use my phone lah." Hehehe. So I downloaded the promotional bundle and I waited the next few days to see if I got any text from DiGi. Alas, on April 2nd (yes, I remember the date clearly) I received a text while I was at drama practice saying: "You have won 2 passes to watch David Archuleta Live in Malaysia." I jumped up and down in delight cause I couldn't believe that I won it! I actually won it! Hahaha.

So on the following Wednesday, I went to Pyramid with Mum to redeem my 2 passes. Then on Friday, Mum got another 2 more passes. Haha. Thanks, Mum! You did everything! Hehe. So I asked YP and Bev to join me and Jo. When I told YP, she was in disbelief so I had to repeat what I said then only she went, "Yayyyyyyyy!" Haha.

The night before the showcase, I was damn excited. The rules and regulations on the passes read that having a ticket does not guarantee entry, as entry is subject to space. I was really desperate to get in and there was no way I was gonna miss the showcase, so Mum said that we had to leave super early. YP stayed over and Bev came over the next day. We reached the Elephant Walk at 8.40am and there were already people there! Like, about 20. So we were pretty much the first few. Horror of horrors, we had to wait for 4 hours and the unkind Malaysian sun continued to shine down on us and threaten to melt off our skin. Me and YP took shelter under newspapers. Lol. But thankfully, we were under the shade of some umbrellas that some very kind people queueing up behind us shared with us. Hehe.

Hot, hot, hot!

Even the sun cannot stop camwhores XD

At 12pm, the gates opened and we went through the bag check counter. Then it was quite a long distance to the amphitheatre. The four of us ran downhill and when we arrived on level ground, Bev took off her Keds and ran barefoot. Hahaha. Damn funny wei. Anyway, we got really nice middle seats. The amphitheatre was a really cool place, with a canopy that blocked the sun and it wasn't all that hot.

The stage

The crowd

The amphitheatre began to fill up as more people poured in. We were so tired and bored cause we still had to wait for more than 2 hours. So, what next? I'm sure I don't even have to tell you. Haha. Being the snap-happy people that we are, the cameras went click click click. Lol. After awhile, Joel and Rebekah arrived and joined us as we had saved seats for them.

At 3pm, there was still no sight of David. Then, JJ and Ean of the Hitz.fm Morning Crew came out to warm up the crowd. The show only started at 3.45pm with the first opening act. There were three opening acts: Hou Ren from ATQ, Alif from One in a Million and Daniel Lee from Malaysian Idol.

JJ and Ean

Extremely cute girl who sang Crush

Hou Ren (I only liked his dancing, haha)

Daniel

After the opening acts left the stage, the star himself arrived on stage and the crowd went wild! Seriously, the screams were SO much more deafening than when he wasn't on stage. (Even before that, everyone was so mad and so loud! Turn all that volume up a few notches and that's what you get.) He kicked off the showcase with A Little Too Not Over You, followed by Touch My Hand (a personal fave =]), Don't Let Go and Crush. He played A Thousand Miles and Angels on the keyboard. I really loved Touch My Hand, Don't Let Go and Angels. He was so cute especially when he smiled and even more so when he did his weird/unique dancing thing. Lol. When he jumped on stage, he was so adorable. Hahaha. I'm gushing... His vocals were in tip-top condition. It was just beautiful when his voice soared. Man, what a voice! Hehe.







His showcase was only 30 minutes long. But I must say that waiting 6 hours for David was worth every minute of that half an hour =D After that, the four of us hung around and took somemore pics.

B =)

Me and Joel

Robert Jack and Randall Jack XD

When we left the amphitheatre, it started pouring. Had to run in the rain all the way past the Sun-U Residence to meet Mum in her car. Then we headed to Pyramid for dinner. Returned to Klang at 8.45pm.

All in all, it was an amazing and memorable day. One of my favourite days of 2009! Hehe. Thanks Jo, YP and Bev for coming. I wouldn't've enjoyed the showcase all that much if not for the company =) I miss April 11th already. Haha.

Was it a great day? The smile says it all =)

Can't let the music stop, can't let this feeling end... =D

Earth Hour

In conjunction with Earth Hour, I'm typing in green. Hahaha. So anyway, did y'all switch off for it? I remember asking some of my friends if they were offing off for Earth Hour. Lol.

I am proud to say that I did switch off for Earth Hour =D Initially, I didn't plan to b'cos I thought that my family wouldn't. But the day before 28th March, Mum was like, "Tomorrow we light candles around the house, OK?" And I'm like, "For what? Earth Hour?" And she was nodding so fervently like it was a given that our family would be supporting Earth Hour. Haha. When I told Jo, he was like, "Dad can survive Earth Hour meh?" Lol.

So, Earth Hour is like some kinda large-scale event to promote awareness on climate change. Everyone thinks that the environment is deteriorating b'cos we humans are doing activities which are detrimental to the surroundings. But I am here to tell all of you that planet Earth is dying not b'cos of deforestation, ozone depletion, etc. It is, in fact, b'cos of this boy below:


Yes, this boy with that inconspicuous, innocent smile is Earth's NO. 1 ENEMY! Hahaha. Why, you ask? It is b'cos my dear brother, Josiah Hoi has a terrible habit of keeping the electricity on in every single room he leaves. And he never realizes it! Everytime I see one of the rooms in the house with the lights and fan on and no one inside, I just know it's his fault. Earth Hour has not helped to raise his awareness one bit. Lol. He still repeats his habit. Oh well... Here's to hoping that he'll break the habit XD

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, LYN! =D

Hi! Lol. I know you guys hate me lah. I'm really inconsistent with my posts. Anyway, after many complaints from YP, Nette, Lil, Soon Chia... I have decided to update my blog. But I don't actually have a lot to blog about.

Let's see. The March holidays are just over. What did you do for that one week? I can't believe the holidays are over so quickly lah. It's like the holidays just come and go. So anyway, last Monday I sat for my first ever music theory examination. I sat for the Grade 5 paper. To Jessica, YP and Nette, I am proud to say that I think I did well and possibly no wrongs! Haha. I know you guys (especially Nette) think that I suck at theory and I'll most probably fail but I worked hard so I expect to do well. Hehe. I wish normal exams were like music exams. Or rather, were like Grade 5 music exams. Haha. I'll bet Grade 8 exams are way harder. You see, there aren't as many topics. Just transposition, melody composition, scales, terms... But school exams! Aiseh man. 2 years, 10 subjects, an average of 10 topics for every subject for every year. So that equals to... Um. I dunno lah. I can't count wan. Lol. But basically a lot lah. Anyway, I sat for my paper at SMK Seafield in Subang Jaya. The exam was in the hall which was really nice and big and air-conditioned. =D I sat in the middle row, 7th table from the front. I took about an hour and 15 minutes to finish the paper, and spent another 15 minutes dozen-checking. Left the hall and then waited about 10 minutes for Mum to come. Hehe. Selepas itu, I went to GTK for the "Sex & Sensibility" Seminar. I had a lot of fun there. Then I went to Nette's house after that.

Didn't do much for the next few days. On Thursday leh, I went to Aeon JJ with the three and Beverlea and Christina. Watched "Street Fighter" and "Dragonball: Evolution". Spent the whole day there lah.

On Saturday night, went out with Mervy, Melody and Jo to Aeon JJ - again. Haha. Mervy drove there! Hehe. I survived the journey there and back. =] We watched "Dragonball: Evolution" cause there was nothing else that we could watch. And Mervy told me that Wei Shern lost his ring in the garbage in Adelaide. I am so not surprised. If any one of us were to lose the ring, either Shern or Jon would've been the first. Hahaha. But thank God he found it back lah. If not, I think it's better if he remains in Aussie and not return to Malaysia for awhile. Lol.

So school reopened today. Assembly was unbearably long, as usual. They gave away many trophies today. But none to me. Hahaha. The trophies were prizes for participants of a few competitions, such as "Memasak Pengantin" and "Menghias Kek". Forgive me if the competition names are wrong, but that's what I heard lah. Lol.

Oh, oh! And we got our SPM angka giliran today. Mine is BA029A003, and Jessica, YP and Nette are 017, 032 and 025 respectively. Yoh, they sit damn far from me loh. I'm like separated from them. Sigh. Now, if only YP was called Apple. Hmmm. XD

Alright lah. I think I blog long enough lah hor? The next time I get more complaints again, then I'll update again lah. Haha. Tata!

I'm s-s-s-sorry. I'm s-s-s-sorry. I didn't mean to not update. I didn't mean to not update. (Sing to the tune of Will.I.Am's Heartbreaker.) Haha!

I know my blog is really dead. But I can explain. You see, I have a whole lot of drafts. Just uploaded pics with no text. So I am actually blogging. I just don't post them up. 'Cos I keep procrastinating so all those would-be posts are just waiting for me to edit 'em and post 'em up. I'll take my time lah. Haha. I'm much freer now.

And do you know why??? B'cos debate's off my list of worries. Now I just have drama, IU Day and others to worry about. Lol. Although it feels weird, not being under so much stress. I know, that's really strange, innit? Feeling that way? But I function better under stress - I guess. Haha. It's nice to have something to worry about. I'm just too bored if I have nothing on my hands.

So today the DP (disciplinary teacher) was talking about fights happening in MGS =O I'm really not sure if this is a girls' school anymore. Haha. But it would be cool to see girls pulling each other's hair and shrieking like banshees at the assembly area. Lol. Anyway, the DP said that penalty marks (40, to be exact) will be given to anyone who commits "sentuhan fizikal". In all seriousness, she used those words. Haha. It just doesn't sound serious. If that was the case, then me, Jessica, Nette and YP should totally be given penalty marks 'cos we hit each other everyday. Lol. This might happen:

Amanda: Cikgu, dia pukul saya.

DP: Kenapa?

Nette: Cikgu, dia cuba ambil lebih daripada satu nugget. Saya hanya bawa 10.

Haha. Sigh. I'm so lame lah. It's depressing =( But the above scenario is completely possible. Lol. 'Cos Nette is super protective with her food. Hehe. She's not selfish tho. I'm sure she's actually a very generous person XD

Ah, another thing has come to mind! Haha. I was just looking at the pic at Nette's house where she's resting her leg on my head. And it reminded me of something that happened today. The four of us were at the Physics lab, doing Add Maths h/w. And we only had one book to share. That book was mine. Haha. It went like this:

Amanda: *Copying question from MY book*

Nette: I need the book! *Takes the book*

Jessica: *Copying the question*

Nette: I need the book! *Raises hand to take the book buthen stops* Jessica, you copying ah?

Jessica: *Forehead creased in deep concentration, nods once*

Nette: Oh... OK OK. You copy first.

SERIOUSLY!!! Nette can bully me but can't bully Jessica. And it's MY book! Haha. Yoh. Then I popiah loh. Lol. But I've always been the one that kena bullied. Although among the four of us, I'm the eldest, but I'm kind of like the baby. 'Cos I'm the most naive, most gullible, basically most dumb lah. Haha. I guess I can't help it. *Shrugs* X] But those three are still lovable idiots. Lol.

J

O

L

A

OK lah. Bev asked me if I'm not busy with work. Really, that's just like saying, "Don't you have anything to do?" Haha! I should go and study (I'll end up not studying wan lah). G'bye~

CNY @ Nette's

On Saturday, went to Nette's house for her CNY open house. The road leading up to the guard house was super congested. Took me such a long time to arrive. And when I did, everyone else was already there. So anyway, here are the pics. I'm really too lazy to put captions adi. Suffice to say, I had a lot of fun being "anti-social". Haha.

Hold your breath, people!
The photo that you have all been waiting for.
Nette, forgive me XD

Lil, Nette, Eireen