A Wedding Reception

I was at a wedding dinner y'day night held at Berjaya Times Square Hotel. Went with Uncle Drew, Aunty Mee Ching and Wei Lyn and family. We arrived quite early, like 6:30. Had to wait so long. But at least they had cocktails, so me and Jo makan habis all the spicy peanuts. Haha.

Got into the ballroom at 7:30. We (being me, Jo, Wei Shern and Wei Lyn) had our own table with another family. They were really friendly. Parents and two daughters. One of their daughters is a professional clown. Lol. Cool, cool. Haha. Oh, and they thought that I was in college. They were surprised when I said I'm in Form 5. I always, always get that. Met a lot of uncles and aunties from the other churches. I hardly get to see them. So it was nice.

Although we had to wait even longer until the food was served, the food more than made up for the wait. It was quite good. Not as lousy as the food served at the many wedding dinners I've been to. So anyway, here are some pictures. Feast your eyes. :)

If I knew how to Photoshop fangs into this image, I
would have a vampire for a brother :D

What a poser!

"Everyday you make me proud,
but today you get a card."

- 500 Days of Summer

More Than A Song

I was going through my secret book. Haha. It's this book where I write stuff like poems, quotes, thoughts and whatever else. But it's not really a secret now, is it? Lol. So anyway, I found something I wrote about music on 17th November 2008. I don't know what prompted me to write that, but I know I was inspired. And so, what else would I do when inspired than write? =)

Music takes me away from my troubles.

When I listen to a song, everything I'm going through fades away. I can only hear the words, the melody, the beat. I bask in the moment, free from all my pain and all my worries. Even for awhile, the music calms my soul and brings me to a place, a safe haven.

Then the music gradually fades, and silence returns to fill the empty space, and I am reminded that nothing has changed, reality remains. But just for a bit, the music gives me hope, gives me strength.

Music takes me away from my troubles.

I absolutely love music. It's a really beautiful thing. And it's one of my forms of expression. Not one day goes by that I do not listen to music. To me, music is therapeutic. When I write songs, music becomes cathartic. I find that I am able to put into words what I would otherwise have found difficult to convey. Music comes from the heart and not so much the mind.

It's everywhere, too. You can find music in anything. Close your eyes and listen to the sounds of everything around you. Simple things like the tapping of your keyboard, the sound of the fan spinning, my brother yelling my name... Haha. It's the sound of home. =] And as I dwell on that thought, I realize that music also captures memories. Just as a camera captures photographs, songs capture a moment in time and retains it in my memory forever. It reminds me of places, happenings, people.

Music has brought so much into my life. A life without music is an empty life to me.

The Giving Tree

Here's a story that I'd like to share. It's called "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein. It's about a tree and a boy who are the best of friends during an idyllic childhood where he eats apples from the tree, climbs her trunk, swings from her branches and rests in her shade. Then things chance - as things always do - and the boy approaches the tree at all the various stages of his life, caught up more in wanting and needing from the tree than in just being with the tree. Each time has has a "need," the tree obliges and is happy for having done so. She doesn't have much, but gives all she has until eventually, she is nothing but a stump. At the end of all things, however, it turn outs a stump is just what the old man needs - a quiet place to sit down and rest and reflect. "And the tree was happy. The end."

This story reminds me of my relationship with You. How many times have I only come to You when I was in need. Or prayed to You asking for something for my own benefit. Through the tree, I see Your complete love to the point of emptying Yourself of all You are for me. Your unquestioning sacrifice, even for someone who isn't appreciating or understanding of what they have been given. All You want is just to be with the ones You love. The immensity of what You did on the cross is so overwhelming!

I've read somewhere before that says, "God died for You because He didn't want to live without you." You died for me because You didn't want to live without me. I don't ever want to do anything to break Your heart. I don't ever want to fall out with You and stray on my own path. I don't ever want anything in life that is not what You want for me. I don't ever want anything else but You.

All You Have Is Now

I am a person who is more occupied with my future plans rather than my current ones. I've always been the kind who looks ahead. And I like to have everything planned out. I wanna be in the know. What's going to happen after this year? "This is what's going to happen... " is what I would like to tell myself. But the truth is, I don't know. I haven't a clue what's going to happen. I can keep planning and figuring everything out for myself. In the end, I'm not the one who determines it.

There's the past, the present and the future. The past is real and it's always gonna be there. The present is the past rushing into the future; the point where both meet - now. And the future is what it is: some great unknown. Our lives are made up of the past, the present and the future. Equal attention must be paid to all three. Learn from the past. Live in the present. Hope in the future.

We spend a lot of time focused on the future, planning it, working toward it. But at some point you start to realize your life is happening now. Not after school, not after college, right now. This is it. It’s here. Blink and you’ll miss it. Did you say it? "You changed my life." "I love you." "I'll always remember you." All you wanted to say. Did you do it? Smile. Laugh. Cry. All you wanted to do. Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around. Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.

Guess Who's Back?

WEI SHERN'S BACK!
Yay! I'm so happy he's back.
*Wide grin*
=D

You Could Be...

"You ever look at a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other people's life have we been in. Were we somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise? Just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life, and not even know it." - Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

I have only lived for 17 years. I cannot claim to have been through much. Or that my eyes have seen a lot. Or that my heart has felt more than it has. But I have been through things. And my heart has felt a myriad of emotions. It has felt pain, disappointment, regret, confusion, despair and it has also felt love, hope, delight, gratitude, faith.

The quote above made me think. I may only be 17. But there is a lot in those years. Many people have crossed my path. And I have crossed many people's paths. I have been in and out of people's lives. You may not know me. But if you do, I hope that I have, in a way, impacted your life. That you are glad that we know each other. I don't want to be just another person to you. I want to be someone you remember.

I believe that everyone hopes that when they come to the end of their lives on earth, they may be able to say that they have been the best version of themselves and have been able to touch the lives of the people around them. You don't have to change someone's life. You only have to cause a slight ripple, make their lives a little brighter, give them a reason to keep on keeping on. Cause that's what life is about. People. They are all that matters. The people who were in your life and who are in your life; they're not just there by chance. There is a reason why they are there. Of all the people in the world, what are the chances that you would know the people you know right now? So be the best person that you can be to everyone who crosses your path. Cause you could be a big part of someone else's life, and it doesn't matter if you know it or you don't. Just as long as you know that you have been the best version of you.

6 Reasons Why I Like SPM

These are 6 reasons why I like SPM:

1) My family treats me strangely extremely well. Especially Jo and my elder brother, Jack. They always hug me when I get back from school and ask me how were my papers. "Hi Che. *Open arms." "Hey girl. *Open arms*" Haha. And Mum's really nice. Waking up early every morning just to see me off although she needn't because Melia picks me up. And Dad's also all about the hugs. "Hi Mandy. *Open arms* How were the papers?" I feel so pampered. Lol!

2) I get to experience You. It's been three days of SPM already. And thank God, my papers so far have been fine. I am not worried or anxious about it because I am so sure that all the answers were not from me. They were all from You. I didn't do anything at all. Hehe. That's how I want it to be. Nothing done in my strength. Nothing at all. Besides, who better to commit my papers to than the One who created all these in the first place? *Grins* And oh, You have been so faithful, so faithful! I can't tell You how much I love You but I hope that when You look at my heart, You'll know it's so full of love for You for everything You are to me.

3) Supportive friends. It's so nice to have this big group of friends. That means me, Jessica, Yoke Pei, Nette, Melia, Su Vien, Iri, Angel, Hannah... We always pray before every single paper. And when I'm done, I'll always go to meet Jessica, YP and Nette before leaving the hall. Then us and the others will leave school together. And I like the fact that we usually just relax before every paper, then we just commit everything to God before we go into the hall. And we don't discuss the paper. If we do, we discuss how we felt about it. And I know that I can always whine if my paper didn't go as well as I hoped and they would always be able to tell me something to make me feel better. Haha.

4) The fantastic atmosphere. I'm really into quietness and solitude. I am a loud person. Haha. But I have my silent times too. And what I like about SPM is that it's so serious so it makes me really serious too. Haha. You see, everytime I sit for exams or tests, I'm really serious. You can go as far as saying that I'm a different person in the exam hall cause I don't seem to know anyone else. When I'm done, I usually just look around at stuff or outside, but never at people. That's just how I approach exams and tests. Lol. I'm weird so you shouldn't be surprised. And I just love the feeling of sitting in the hall with all these invigilators walking around you. And I really love the fact that they're super exact about the time. Only the moment the long hand ticks past 12 then nie they let you start. Ooh, and the History Section B was really fun to tear out. Haha. Although I made a lot of noise. I was just trying to be quiet actually. Lol.

5) It only happens once in a lifetime. I always feel that I should treasure everything that I experience in life. And as a student, that includes exams. Which is why I'm really gonna miss SPM. I was excited when it started. But it's passing by so quickly I'm afraid that I'm losing the chance to cherish it. Haha. It's like SPM is going way too fast. Don't think about the results or having to study and all that, just look at it as an experience. One that you'll only ever have once. Unless you resit in the middle of 2010. Lol.

6) This is my last chance to be a student before it's gone forever. I just realized this today. Cause Mum said something like, "After SPM you'll be out of school forever. You can't be together with your friends anymore. You're all going different ways." Then I became all =(. Sentimental me. Lol. And what my mum said sounded so darn sad. Can't be together anymore. Haha. But it's true. I'll never walk these grounds and feel so comfortable. The next time I set foot in MGS, it'll be like, "Alah. Mana office tu ah?" And with my bad memory, that is so possible. Haha.

Leonard: Stars are pretty, aren't they?

Howard: Up above the world so high, like little diamonds in the sky.

Raj: That's beautiful, dude. You should write that down before someone steals it.

- The Big Bang Theory, Season 3

S P M

SPM 2009 begins tomorrow. The whole year of studying has been for these next four weeks. Wow. It's here. Haha. It's actually here. And I think I'm prepared. I'll go into the hall with guns (pens and 2B pencils XD) blazing. Lol. I never thought about how I would be in the days counting down to this major examination. But strangely enough, as I mentioned in my previous post, I am at peace. I thank You so much for being all I need, all I've ever needed and all I'll ever need. With You, I can say with absolute confidence, "I'm OK and I'll be OK." So when I begin this 10-day adventure tomorrow, I know You'll come along with me. Just me and You in a quiet hall. We'll have fun, yes? =]

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
But I trust in the name of the Lord my GOD!"
Psalm 20:7

Hi, I'm BA029A003

I went to school today to arrange the places and do other stuff for SPM. The school held some motivational programme (or they thought it was motivational cause it wasn't for me; I prefer the motivational programme held when I was sitting for PMR 2007) before break. During break, I got to meet Puan Giam. Angel saw her actually, then she told me and we both ran to meet her. Then she said this to me in Hokkien: "Ah neh sui cha boh," or something like that. Lol. I dunno whether I wrote it correctly or if some words are wrong. Haha. But that's just how it sounded to me. She wished me and Angel all the best and God bless.

After break, they divided the students and sent most of the classes to the other classrooms. Only 5D, 5S and 5P students remained in the hall. So I had to find a table for myself. I got a pretty stable one. Everyone else was wetting and wiping their tables. I didn't have to do that cause my table was surprisingly extremely clean. Hehe. And I got my favourite gray chair. Oh, and I'm sitting beside Usha. What a surprise. I thought maybe I'd be sitting beside Ciuyi. Then Angel's behind me and Melia and Su Vien are pretty close by. It's too bad that Jessica, YP and Nette are damn far from me.

So anyway, I am sitting in the first row on the left, third table from the front. It's a pretty nice place. I'm satisfied =D I sit right beside the open doors, so I get a cool windy breeze every once in awhile. And of course, I sit so in front so I get to see the huge clock that ticks away the minutes until SPM ends for me =)

Then I got my SPM slip, which I call my SPM receipt because it actually has some price at the bottom. It doesn't look as nice as the one that I got for PMR. And then I got my sijil berhenti too. Nice blue paper. Haha. Ah. With all these official documents presented to me already and a table with my name on it in the MGS hall, all that's left is for me to actually sit for the exam. I'm not feeling stressed now. I've been stressed the whole year, but it's strange how when it actually comes to the moment, I feel an indescribable peace. Now I know that I had to go through all that stress to know that the peace I feel now comes from You and You alone. =] Oh, and before I left the hall today, I turned to my table, tapped it and said, "I'll see you Wednesday. Be nice to me." Haha.

One order of the SPM 2009 exam. RM163.50, please? XD

Effective after 8th December =D

My place for the next four weeks

Study, study, study =)

Marchin' On

For those days we felt like a mistake
Those times when love's what you hate
Somehow, we keep marchin' on
For those nights when I couldn't be there
I've made it harder to know that you know
That somehow, we'll keep movin' on

There's so many wars we fought
There's so many things we're not
But with what we have, I promise you that
We're marchin' on

For all of the plans we've made, there isn't a flag I'd wave
Don't care if we bend, I'd sink us to swim
We're marchin' on
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know we're not what we've seen
For this dance we'll move with each other
There ain't no step other than one foot right in front of the other

We'll have the days we break
And we'll have the scars to prove it
We'll have the bonds that we save
But we'll have the heart not to lose it
We put one foot in front of the other
We move like we ain't go no other
We go when we go
We're marchin' on

Falling head over heels in love with OneRepublic's latest, Waking Up. Ryan Tedder has got to be my favourite songwriter in the whole world! Haha. Somehow the songs that he writes are just so beautiful. The words he chooses and the way they match each other with the music being the finishing touch. And the one thing that I absolutely love is how he incorporates strings into the music. Yay, strings! Haha. I wish I could write songs like that. Ah... =]

What's Your Toothpaste?

What's the first thing you do when you wake up? Brush your teeth. If that wasn't the answer for any of you, then you must be an unhygienic person with bad breath. Haha. It's OK if you're not for toothbrushes and lean more towards Listerine or chewing gum. I'm not judging. Lol.

I am very particular about my toothpaste. Brushing my teeth may just be a normal routine thing and you may think, "Who cares what toothpaste I use? As long as I brush my teeth WITH toothpaste, can adi lah." Lol. But why don't you start your day with an adventure? Try on different kinds of toothpastes. It gives meaning to the otherwise boring act of running a brush over every single tooth in your mouth. *Grins* Or it does for me. Haha. It makes me look forward to brushing my teeth. I jump out of bed and think, "Ooh. Apple mint today. I wonder how that will taste." Haha.

When I was a kid, I was a sucker for Colgate Pokemon toothpaste. My preference was the Pikachu Bubble Fruit one with blue gel. Love it! The blue gel was all sparkly and it tasted yummy. Haha. But I didn't eat it lah, OK. I also used Oral-B Stages Buzz Lightyear toothpaste. That was real nice too. But Pikachu all the way lah. Haha. What toothpaste did you use as a kid? Do tell. =D

I always wanted to keep using children's toothpaste, buthen my mum said that I couldn't anymore because I was all grown up and should use adult toothpaste. Haha. So now, I use all kinds of toothpaste. I don't just stick to one. So far, I have used Colgate Propolis (beautiful yellow gel), Colgate Kayu Sugi (which was horrible, don't buy it), Colgate Herbal White (nice green and white stripes), Darlie Hydro Gel (water from the Alps or something), Fresh & White Apple Mint (this absolutely rocks) and Pearl Drops Whitening (which acts as a mouthwash too =D), to name a few.

I don't like it when my mum buys Darlie, the normal kind. Like, so boring! Aiyoh. At least special toothpastes motivate me to brush my teeth. Haha. The rest of my family uses Darlie, except for my brothers, because they have to use whatever I use since all our toothbrushes are at the same sink. Hehe. Mum and Dad can keep using their Darlie lah.

So yes, brushing your teeth can be a fun activity. Hehe. Now what are you waiting for? Go and get a weird toothpaste and see if trying out different toothpastes makes you as happy as it makes me. Hohoho. XD

Haven't Met You Yet

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times, I've stopped keeping track
I talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up then I let myself down
I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought I thought of every possibility

I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, babe, that I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life
And I know that we can be so amazing
And baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

Cause somehow I know that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, babe, that I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

Ah. I love every single lyric in this song! It's so right. Haha. Loving Michael Buble's Crazy Love. The songs are all about love and so jazzy. Hehe. *Dreamy smile*

Oh MGS, My School Most Dear

I went to school today and was greeted (as is the norm lately) by gasps followed by, "What're you doing here?" "Ey, you suddenly come school so many days wan." "Amanda, you're here!" Haha. All the teachers and my classmates are always so surprised whenever I appear in school. So anyway, yes, I went to school today - alone. And it was officially my last day in school (because when I'm in school for SPM, it's not official schooling period and only Form 5s are around).

School was pretty OK. The whole day felt normal until it came to the end of school. I walked really slowly and tried to take everything in. "Oh man, this is it. This is the last time I'm going to stand here in these clothes," I thought. Yeah. I'm like that. Haha. I always wanna treasure every last moment I get for whatever it is that I will never experience again. Cause I'm a person who hates goodbyes. I really do. I don't like it when good things (and yes, school is a good thing) end. But they always do, don't they? And I'm leaving this part of my life. I'll be transitioning into a whole new chapter. I'm reluctant to close this chapter but I've no control over it. *Sniff sniff* No, I'm not crying. Haha. Although my throat is a bit choked. Hehe.

I looked all around me and realized that I would miss it all so much. Puan Ting watching me sleep in Chemistry class as she explains carbon compounds. Puan Tan teaching me Add Maths with so much energy. Puan Rosnani asking me why I didn't do my work again and letting me off the hook anyway. Puan Sheila letting me speak my mind in her class. Puan Hashirene not scolding me although I never copy anything that she writes on the board. Mr Teh asking me when I'm gonna teach him to play the guitar. Puan Nadiah being patient with me when I mess around before ordering what I want at the koperasi. Yoke Pei tolerating my daily abuse. Jessica knocking me on the head whenever I say something stupid. Lynnette giving me a reason to laugh everyday. Beverlea walking all around school with me.

School is such a big part of my life. I suddenly find it hard to leave it. And yet, I have to. It all comes to an end even if I try to slow down and remember everything I see, everything I hear, everything I feel. I know that I'll always miss it. When I go to college, university and work, a part of me will always miss school. =)

I'm so happy that MGS has yellow socks XD

I'll miss you, pinafore and school shoes ='(

Someday

Maybe someday we'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday

Keep It Down!

MY NEIGHBOURS HAVE GOT TO TURN DOWN THEIR VOLUME!
I am trying to study and they're playing loud music with extremely gay beats!
I'm losing it! Argh! Gah! Ish!
I miss my previous neighbours...
They never made noise and they always invited us over for Raya.
*Sniff sniff* =(

I Write...

What's a blogger, really? Have you thought about that?

I've been blogging since I was 12. I have run out of things to write about that my blog has died countless times and come back to life again. Sometimes it's cause I really don't feel like blogging or I really want to blog but I just have nothing to blog about. But how true is the latter?

Being a staunch believer in the truth of all of Wikipedia's articles (=D), I Wiki-ed blogger and it gave me a very boring definition: a person who writes a blog. I define a blogger as a person who can take anything that happens in his/her life and make it interesting. Maybe it's just an excuse when I say I have nothing to blog about. Because being a blogger is taking even the most mundane occurrences in your life and making it sound like the exact opposite.

I blog because I love writing. I like how my thoughts can flow out through my fingers and become words. I like that my words can connect with another person and turn out to be the unspoken words of their heart which they found hard to express. Writing makes everything clear. It gives me insight about myself. It gives me insight about others. It is my avenue of expressions. It lets me say what I want to say the way I want to say it. Sometimes, I surprise even myself with the things I have written. Writing makes me happy. It gives me permission to speak from the heart. It is the swing and swirl of words that tangle with human emotions. It shows me how complex and yet how pure these emotions are.

Do you love writing but you think you can't? I used to think I couldn't. But when I start writing, I stop thinking. I just write from my heart. Write about anything and everything. Everything I see or experience, I find something to write about. Look closely and you'll soon realize that everything in life is writable. Haha. The best way to write is to fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. And along the way, you will discover yourself.

"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." - Anais Nin

I have something to say and I want to be heard. And so, I write...

Someone Who Understands

When you're going through something, there are people who try to understand and people who actually do. Both are equally important to get you through whatever it is that you're facing. Here is a message from someone dear to me; someone who understands:

"hah. i think my first nervous breakdown was when i pushed 13 or something. lol. (: being messed up at this point of time is normal. trust me, i'm like the expert of stressing out. lol. i used to call you whenever i hit those moments last year. or maybe *** or **** or you know, good friends. try that? it helps so so much, manda. i want to say you can give me a call but i wouldn't want to disappoint you. in any case that you find that nobody's around, your mom will be there. if not, hey, you've always got Him, babe. i truly hope you're alright. i know the whole hurricane of emotions that can hit your weakest times. be strong okay? i always thought you were. have faith.

love, *****. (:"

Even if you weren't always around, I know that this is your way of being there for me. Thank you. =)

Strange Wilderness

I stayed up till 1.15 am to watch this movie y'day night. Haha. I don't think I've ever slept so late just to catch a movie. I've only ever stayed up till the wee hours of the morning to study... or when I came back from AAR. Haha.

OK, this movie is beyond funny! It made me laugh so hard that Jo even came out of the room and asked me when the movie would end. Lol. So here's what it's about: This guy called Peter Gaulke and his friend, Fred Wolf host a programme about wildlife called "Strange Wilderness", which is losing its viewership and its ratings are going downhill. So in a desperate bid to save the show, they hatch a plan to find Bigfoot and record an episode about it. The cast is pretty good, y'knw. In the lead is Steve Zahn and there's also Justin Long and Jonah Hill.

Oh my goodness. The movie is just scene after scene of stupid funny nonsense. Haha. They get into a series of accidents which are so funny. And then only they actually get into the jungle in which Bigfoot supposedly dwells. So the scene where they actually find Bigfoot, Gaulke starts talking to the camera and then Bigfoot appears outside the cave. Bigfoot stretches and yawns. And everyone screams and points at Bigfoot, then Gaulke turns around and screams too. Then they all start whipping out huge guns and shoot Bigfoot to death while still screaming. Hahahaha. After all that they went through to find Bigfoot, in an action done on the spur of the moment, they killed him. Lol. Then what happens after that is also so funny. Hehe.

Ah. Just writing this out is making me laugh in front of the monitor. I went and IMDB-ed the movie, and it has pretty poor ratings. But y'knw, no matter how stupid or even how good people say something is (a movie, a book, whatever), you gotta let yourself be the judge of it; cause maybe it'll crack you up and give you a reason to stay up way past your bedtime =D

Let Me Go

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through
To let me fall for you
Do you love me enough to let me go?

- "Enough To Let Me Go" by Switchfoot

Burger Ramly

Comfort food on a rainy night : )

Reach Out Your Hands

A quote that I hold very close to my heart. Just wanted to share. =]

"We would accomplish many more things
if we did not think them impossible."
Vince Lombardi, Jr.

So reach out for your dreams.
Reach as far and as deep and as high as you can.
Because they may not be as far as you think they are. =)

Conversations, Conversations

I was late for school - as usual. It's funny how now I'm always late. I used to be early everyday. Anyway, the HM gave her last speech this morning. And I wasn't really concentrating but she was saying that there were two things she wished would change but still hasn't for the past ten years:

i) MGS girls' ultimate hobby: talking and talking and talking
ii) I forgot this one, haha

And y'knw, it's so true. I talk a lot. On just about anything. I think about the next thing to talk about. And then I talk about that. But they don't mean anything. Cause they're just empty talk.

I like having conversations that mean something. Where you talk about how you feel, what you think, your hopes and fears. Anything, just as long as it means something. Conversations like these give me glimpses of the person behind the person. I always feel so thankful when I get to see the real thing. That I was given the chance to know this part that not a lot of people reach. That this other person trusts me enough to open up to me. That this other person wants me to know THIS about himself/herself. Once in awhile, I get to see the heart. But it's not easy. You gotta work for it. You gotta put in effort to reach someone's heart. Hearts are not had as a gift but hearts are earned.

Meaningful conversations only happen once in awhile. And they catch you by surprise. You don't plan to have them. But when you get close enough, they just happen. These conversations always leave me feeling good inside. Like it was time well spent. When I talk about conversations, I don't just mean those with words. Hehe. Yup, you can still have a conversation in silence. And I think that when you can spend time in comfortable silence with someone, the friendship that you both share is really something. It's just knowing that the other person's there eventhough you're both busy doing different things. I call it basking in each other's company.

I don't want to know a lot of people and then realize that I don't actually know them. Cause if it was that way, then the people I know are just acquaintances that make up a list of people I've come to know over the course of my life. It would be sad if that happened to me... or to anyone, really.

When I get to know a new person, I always think that it could be the start of something. But then nothing happens and over time, it's just, "Oh yeah, I know you. Hi." And it's OK when it ends up like that, because there are friendships that are meant to bloom and others that are just always gonna be buried underground. But there are also those that bloomed and then withered. I tried to save those friendships. I dunno if there's such a thing as a friendship expiry date. Lol. But I guess some friendships have that. Maybe both changed, or maybe both didn't change but somehow it just doesn't feel the same. Even if you tried, it's not gonna work because that friendship has kind of gone past its time. Like how no one uses Friendster anymore. XD So then you just let it go. Wave goodbye and say that it was good when it lasted.

I for one know that it's not enough for me to want the friendship to work. This is an expression that I don't actually use and that I cannot do literally: it takes two to tango. And how true. Because friendship is something that all of us treasure and value. It is the creation of a new energy that wasn't there before. It is a breath of fresh life in our dull lives. A new person. A new friendship. A new adventure. But quite frankly, friendship is quite frightening. It can be exciting and exhausting. Even so, we live deprived lives if we live without friends.

It's enough to have a small circle of friends. In the end, numbers don't mean a thing. Even with a small circle of friends, you may not know each of them so well. That's why when you get friends, regardless of whether they are old or new friends, you gotta let it take its natural course. Give it time to allow it to develop. You don't know where it's gonna lead to and whether or not you turn out to be close friends or just friends. But when you get friends who become really close, then that's when you put in the extra effort to keep 'em that way. Have conversations - all kinds of conversations - silly ones, serious ones, silent ones. Sometimes I don't realize who matters, but when I do, I can only count myself lucky that I haven't lost those friendships. And if you have friends like that, you're lucky too =]